When Your Kids Won't Stop Crying: Making an Awkward Situation More Awkward

When Your Kids Won't Stop Crying: Making an Awkward Situation More Awkward

A Comedic Take on What To Do When Strangers Won't Stop Staring

If you are a mom or dad, you have been there.  Your kid or kids are having a fit in the middle of the store and people are staring at you like you are an unfit parent.  I have been there many times, primarily in the grocery store.  I am lucky if I can get out of a store without at least one of my kids having a meltdown and some old lady giving me the evil eye.  My son, who is now 9 months, used to scream and cry everywhere we went for the first 5 months of his life.  It was a nightmare to go anywhere.  Little did people know, he has reflux (I did not even know back then).  My daughter, who is almost 3, has fits of her own.  If any of you have toddlers, you are very familiar with their temper tantrums.  They are worse than a baby crying, because you know people are thinking, "Control your kid for God's sake".  Little do they know!  Below, I have compiled a list of funny, yet semi-mean responses when people are staring at you coldly which are sure to make them feel awkward.   Enjoy!

  1.  "Would you like me to whip out my breast right here and begin feeding him?":  This is great for a screaming infant.  Many times when an infant cries, they are in fact hungry, but sometimes you cannot just pause and feed them the second they begin.  This line will either get you dirtier looks, or make the stranger feel a little bit embarrassed, which is the ultimate goal at hand.
  2. "What?  Have you never seen a baby cry?":  This is great for an infant or a toddler.  It is downright annoying how people act as though they have never seen a crying child before.  It might make them think twice before staring or throwing looks someone's way again in the same situation. 
  3.  "Is there something I don't know about that I should be doing?" :  Hopefully the person will know you are being sarcastic and not attempt to give you actual advice.  This is more a way of sticking it to them. 
  4.  "What? Should I just give in and spoil my child and give them what they want so that YOU do not have to listen to them cry?":  This is a valid point to make with toddlers, in particular.  Many times when a toddler is having a tantrum in a store it is because the parent is not giving them or buying them something they want.  I do not believe in giving in just so that strangers do not have to deal with my kids.  I am not making my kids spoiled brats to protect anyone's ears.  This line will make strangers see things from your perspective and perhaps consider it in the future before they judge another mother for ignoring her toddler's screams in public.
  5. "Want to take this kid for me?  He/She is just too much for me to handle!":  This is meant to be sarcasm at its finest, so hopefully the stranger will not take this literally, or you could be in big trouble.  The object is for them to see you as a mega bitch and back-off.

If you have the guts, please use these lines and combat staring and judgmental strangers who think they know better than you.  Good luck!